Sometimes, we have to take a bit of our own advice.
Today is my brother's homecoming from his LDS Mission. Surprise! I thought I would be speaking for my sister's farewell in May, but nope! I spoke today instead. I originally had 5-7 minutes, but I guess they had a hard time finding another speaker because it was changed to 8-10 minutes. So, it was just me, a musical number, and my brother.
Speaking in public doesn't really bother me. In fact, I actually like it if I know what I'm talking about, and I'm really confident/know a lot about it. So when I put my first outline together, I thought it would be great....But, writing "the right" talk is harder than it sounds. It was too much info, and a lot of the parts of the talk could have been a talk on their own. So, I basically started over. I think this was the most frustrating talk I've ever written. I didn't really know what I needed to talk about. My mom always said that we listen to the spirit tell us what to talk about, and we talk about it even if it's for just one person. But I wasn't feeling like I was getting an answer.
Now here's the ironic part. Guess what my talk turned into? Living the way the Lord wants us to. First I talked about the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet to tie in the talk the bishop gave me, then talked about living the way the Lord wants us to by doing His will.
I spent most of my time talking about how to pray for an answer, and how to receive an answer. That's why it was ironic. I was teaching something I was learning myself in the same instant! Now all the sayings about the teacher (speaker) learns more than the student (congregation) make a lot more sense.
I've also found that sometimes, I have this little lesson I think I've learned, but I never really solidify it until I get up to teach and testify it to other people. Sometimes I need my own testimony of it to believe it. That seems counter-intuitive, but it works for me.
So as I was preparing this talk, I did everything I thought I could and still wasn't feeling inspired so I decided I would just go with what I have and hope that it was either OK, or I'd get some inspiration to talk about while I was at the pulpit. I ended up just doing what I had planned, but I didn't like it. Since normal youth speakers only take a few minutes, I was thinking I was needing to take a long time, so I was doing my best to fill the time. When I looked up, there was 25 minutes left in the meeting! So I quickly finished and sat down, then felt embarrassed that I had taken 15 minutes and left less time for my brother's missionary stories.
Afterwards I was frustrated I had taken so much time, and didn't feel like I had said what I needed to. Everyone complimented me on it's maturity, like I was the RM, but I still felt silly and felt like I had to explain myself to everyone. On top of being sick and having family everywhere again this weekend, I woke up from my nap a little ornery. My mom had recorded it on her phone, and I listened to it, but I could remember everything I said so it didn't necessarily make me feel any better.
It wasn't until family prayers tonight that I realized I shouldn't be upset about not feeling like I got a lightning-bolt answer. My mom prayed about being grateful for the opportunity I had to speak, and the "blessings" of my talk. It took one work- blessings - to help me realize I should be grateful I was able to learn so much personally from preparing that lesson. I should be grateful I was able to speak for 15 minutes and not be scared spit-less. Heavenly Father knows exactly what He's doing if we're just willing to let go of the reigns and go for it.
I hope you all had a fantastic Sunday!
-Jannallred
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